Most arguments don't start with what was actually said. They start with what we heard — the meaning we added to a sentence in the half-second before we checked what the other person meant. By the time we're defending ourselves, we may be answering a version of the conversation our partner never intended to start. Ask these seven words. Before you explain, correct, or defend, try: "Tell me what you heard me say." Seven words, and the whole shape of the conversation changes. In